ching chang siu mai char siew pao

mood: confused

music: safri duo – played alive

i attended a meeting with a few other schools this morning … there were around 5 school’s president and vice-president present. my school’s president and i attended as well.

so yeah, it started out well – a few seconds after i arrived.

but then it got confusing when all of them started speaking chinese ..? the organizing school president introduced all of us in chinese, and therefore, throughout the whole meeting they spoke in chinese.

i was like “DOHHHHHH…” throughout that period of time. i was trying to understand what they were talking about.. i managed. but then i finally gave up and took out my mp4 and read some books during the meeting.

like, i don’t have anything against chinese. but i kinda not like it when they start speaking chinese, especially when one or two don’t understand their language.

okay, so i was the only one who was non-chinese there, even if i had an itsy bitsy chinese bloodline from my mother’s side. i practically gave up trying to understand what they were talking about, even if i did understand. i just hate figuring out their words. so… yeah, whatever.

and my president, not gonna mention her name … was obviously ignoring me, and she spoke chinese and was laughing about with her other friends :\ when i asked her a simple question, she’ll answer me, then talk to her friends again, and complain to them that i interrupted her. fine. if you’re wondering how i figured out what she was saying about me, i listened to her for a while and asked another person whether what i thought was correct. he said yes of course.

i mean, come on, she should at least tell me what the hell is going on. the only time she talked to me is when she asked whether i could ask the principal whether we could use our school hall, when she told me to sit down, when she asked me whether i fotostated the forms, and when she was saying goodbye. like, wtf, come on.

just because i’m the only one not chinese there doesn’t mean you have to not give a shit about me :/ and they asked me whether i could come again on the 25th. all i said was i’ll see first.

really, why should i go if i don’t and WON’T know what’s going on until someone tells me? maybe i should not attend the next meeting eh? what’s the point?

mood: happy and tired

music: 110 – Rapture

Scorpio; You exude a magnetic attraction these days — even more so than usual. Now you just have to sort out your suitors into ‘yes,’ ‘maybe’ and ‘no way’ categories. Don’t be surprised if a few contenders switch slots.

should i laugh?

and i bought a new nail polish today! wee! with my own money, of course :-b today’s the last day of school! i made it! YESH! holidays for a week! freedom hath arrived. malar was exceptionally nice to me this morning, smiling at me and being polite and that sort of thing. i shut up the whole of today, it’s just a cover up for my “noisy, wild, wacky, crazy, talkative” attitude. not to mention “arrogant” too. maybe i should start smiling at the teachers, not just at the students. that way, i’m not arrogant anymore

puhlease. i hate teachers. when i smile at them its either i think what they’ve said is dumb or i think i don’t get what they’ve just said. and um, yeah – i was alone in tuitions just now cos bernice is off camping in sucky school. so i was like “Dooooh… ” there.

by the way check this video out, i think it’s AWESOME! it’s a guy who jumps off a huge cliff into some boxes. THAT’S GOOD VIDEO.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9036195247386570232&hl=en

well now i’m off to take a nap. will keep u guys updated

my BIOLOGY @ EST teacher thinks i’m, uh, arrogant …

mood: cheerful

music: Prince – Musicology

so she called me this morning to her office.

one of the students interrupted the class and said “the senior assistant of student’s affairs, mdm malar would like to see kathlyn now.” hoho. the whole class didn’t give a shit tho, cos they know that mala was over-reacting. they just continued as usual, like most of the time when people call me or something. i went down, and she told me to wait in her office.

i looked around, pretending to be fascinated by her form 4 biology book. then, she came in and immediately asked “ok kathlyn, i want to know. what is ur problem? why didn’t u go up and talk yesterday?”

i was distracted by the biology book and i was so fascinated by it and i dumbly answered “uh, cos i didn’t have a script?” then she told me to grab a chair and sit down. whatever she was going to say, i wasn’t going to let her win. i let my body language do that. so she said:

“u were very rude yesterday, u know?” (i know)

“i just wanted u to talk, was that a big deal? the other people who did it, i asked form 4B and form 5A to talk, and they did! i don’t think the language is a problem for you, right?”

“you wrote a whole drama script but u can’t even make up two or three sentences.” (if i do that u’ll say ‘u can’t even make up a few more sentences?’ )

“i just wanted u to talk there, to be a role model to the other students. i was so disappointed.” ( like i care, and plus, i don’t want to show off my english, unlike YOU.)

“i never met a student like you. a student who spoiled the whole class.” (nice, i did that?)

“because of ur attitude, and u’re a prefect, other students will follow ur footsteps, cos ur a prefect! now u’ve done what you did yesterday, they’ll do the same. we’re trying to get rid of this problem!” (my friends aren’t dumb enough to do that.)

“i have to power to strip u off ur title, u know?” (and, your point is…?)

“did u go home and discuss with ur parents? i told u to ask ur dad right? do you want me to call them?” (no.)

“if i hear anything from the other teachers i’ll call ur parents.” (of course, i’ll be only rude to you.)

“if u have any problems, u can talk to other teachers. or me.” (like hell i will :/)

“you’re rude, disrespectful, no manners, arrogant.” (only to you.)

“you’re an arrogant person.”

“you’re an arrogant prefect.”

so basically, her message in this conversation was “kathlyn, you’re arrogant.” well so what, hundreds of people out there think i’m arrogant. why should i care about what she says.

“you’re 16. even if i ask primary school students to talk about themselves, or their friends, they will do it. and it’s such a problem to you.” (well yeah, they’re kids. not 16.they can babble all day. i’m not a kid :/)

“when i moved u and bernice, and made intan sit next to u, u still talk. dont think i notice. i notice everything that goes on in the class.” ( ohh, i see nice to know that )

“when other people come up, u talk, u chat, u make fun… but when it comes to ur turn, u can’t??” ( hey i do not make fun of them ok. there is a difference between supporting @ cheering and making fun )

“do you have any problems with me?” ( you tell me )

“was that my mistake or yours?” (definitely yours, but i said its mine.)

“next class are u willing to go up and talk?” (fine by me, i guess.)

“i don’t care. u go up and talk. ( ok, i said. )

“do you have anything to say?” (oh, um, no… OH! i get it, you want me to apologise … but here’s the thing : NO! )

and after she dismissed me, i managed to say ‘thank you’ WITH SARCASM. yeah, baby!

add maths was … uh, blur as usual. and when bernice grabbed my hand to write something on it, i wanted to take it away, but she refused – which ended up with the teacher giving me strange looks. he was still looking, so i told bernice i needed my hand back, but still, she refused. so yeah, i might get in deep shit again for what he saw. god damn

bah, one more day to go. i need a vacation, seriously. and NOW.

p/s and oh yeah, gonna see malar tomorrow for biology.

i hate my BIOLOGY @ EST teacher

mood: curmudgenous

song : Vines – I wanna get free

something terribly idiotic happened in school just now. during EST, some of my friends were delivering a speech in class, so i supported them and stuff, but after that my teacher was being pissy and told bernice and i to go to the front and talk. seriously. i dont know what her problem was. we were looking at each other like “what the hell did we do?” cos we didn’t do anything. then, she was smiling, whilst saying “i like to ask people who talk a lot to come up and talk .”

but then i refused. and she got pissy. childish-like pissy.

i’m even too pissed and tired to tell u the whole story, but here are the lines she said. can’t remember which one she said first tho:

“there, i’m embarassing u infront of ur friends. i’m embarrassing a prefect.”

“look at me kathlyn i’m talking to you”

“ask ur father, he’s a teacher, right? ask him what he would do if a student disobeyed him.” (if i were to follow what you say i’ll be ur dog.)

“u think u’re so great in english??? the other students who cant speak also they come up, i dont see why its such a bid deal for you???” ( Like, they have fucking scripts, i DON’T! and i didn’t say i’m good in english, hello?!)

“after all these years of teaching i’ve never meet a student like this.. so disobedient, so disrespectful.”

then she started babbling about not deserving to be a prefect and how the teachers picked a girl like me to become a prefect.

“dont waste my time.”

“hah. form 4 A. attitude problem.”

“the others talked, even those not fluent and broken english, u think u’re so great??? why’s that such a big deal for you??? i asked u to come up and talk, u cant? u r supportive of others, but when ure told to go up, u dont want? this shows that u have no respect for the teacher.”

she’s stressed , angry and tired and she took it out on me. for no reason. cos it was a speech presentation thing, only the chosen ones were supposed to give a speech. she even said i dont deserve to be human cos i have no manners. and she said i shouldn’t be a prefect either. she said clearly i’m showing that i’m a bad student who has no respect for the teacher. my gawd. i was so pissed today.

even my friends didn’t know what the fuck was up with her :/

and here’s the news flash she put my name in the discipline problems book. yeah, she wrote my name alright. and she said “if you are so rude to me, i’ll show you how rude i can be.” then she wrote my name. like wtf. just because i don’t want to TALK?!

what the hell is up with the teachers nowadays??? are they so dumb they get angry over these sort of things.  and she was from SMK Sandakan, the worst school in this place. and she said she’s never met any student so disobedient like me. LIAR. there are WORSE students than me there. they’re more rebellious. seriously … if she wants me to go for counseling sessions, fine, i’ll go. i’ll gladly tell the teacher wtf is wrong with me. my problem is HER. and if that’s not enough, she can send me to the principal. fine, i’ll tell her too.

but i don’t want her to go telling my form teacher, Zaini da bitch. cos i hate her so much, she doesn’t want to listen to ANYONE’S explanation and sentence them to a week of cleaning the toilet@school compounds. and if that stupid Malar were to make complaints about me to Zaini, i’ll hate her more than i hate her now. cos Zaini’ll probably send me to clean the whole school for a whole year or something.

bitch bitch bitch! i hate malar!

even her name sounds stupid. and just because she’s moved from a terrible school to my school, and got promoted to senior assistant, she’s like ‘i’m oh-so-powerful now, bark.’

still coping

mood: coping and mourning

music: third eye blind – deep inside of you

i’m still coping over Puppy’s death. i woke up this morning looking like a lost chinese. my eyes were puffy and swollen. i prayed last night, yes, i did. it helped to ease the pain a bit, but then when i woke up the pain started coming back again. i went to school, being totally quiet about it. i was in no mood for anything at all.

i mean, come on, one part of the family that has been with me for half of my life is gone. yeah the shaggy mutt

still can’t stop crying though. i managed to restrain myself from doing so in school though. and if i try to talk about it, i’d cry, so i tried in every way possible to avoid the subject. but little pop-ups in my brain keep giving me images of Puppy and memories of him. sigh. it hurts. i know that it doesn’t take a day to get over it, i know it doesn’t work that way.

my mum touched the subject when she picked me up from sucky tuitions. she talked about him A LOT, which made me even shittier than ever. it’s like everyone assumes i’m fine. i’m not fine, my dog just died, and he wasn’t just any dog – it’s a part of the family. and i told them if it was okay not to talk about it. they stop for a few seconds and start again. yeah, so i was trying hard not to cry in the car. i was strong, but weak in the toilet :/ that’s where i cried the most. in my room too.

and Tatiana, your post about Puppy really touched me

as if things weren’t as bad, my teacher started making me feel like quitting tuitions once and for all. she told me that we should work hard blah blah if we don’t want to fail. and she said she wants to see any papers that we get from school. one time, one of her students forgot her paper, and the stupid teacher immediately called the student’s mother :/ like WTF? shove off, bitch.

seriously, it was so fucking annoying that you wish she won’t say ONE MORE WORD or else you’ll shove a knife down her throat.

seriously.. if she calls my parents, i’m GETTING the hell out of that place. i’m so bogged down with school and tuitions i don’t even have time for myself. i wish i could take a few days off to clear my mind and go … shopping or something.  but no, holidays are not till next week. so, whatever.

i’m trying to get my mind of Puppy by turning on the music really LOUD, and singing my lungs out, while chewing on some corn, crackers or chewing gum. it helps a bit. but yeah, i need more time to get over it.

and yeah, you, my tuition teacher can shove off.

and Puppy i love you.

R.I.P

mood: saddest day of my life

song : josh groban – to where you are

my dog died today. my best friend died today. my bestest buddy in the world died today.

i couldn’t believe it – when my mum called me when i was in town, saying “puppy died.” my heart just stopped beating. i just couldn’t take it. i was calm for a few minutes before i started breaking down.

i didn’t even get to say my goodbye.

he was sick, i knew that. but i was having high hopes of him of getting healthy again. but then again … he had liver problems … i couldn’t stop crying. esp. on the bus. i had my sunglasses on, so i could cry like nobody’s business. my brother and sister, of course we shocked as well. i fed him this morning, and i didn’t know he was dying.

he’s gone now. the best thing that ever happened to me is gone. when he died, a part of my heart and soul died with him. i love him so much. but he was suffering … it’s good now that he’s rested. my dad said “everybody has to go, even animals. he’s happy wherever he is right now, the suffering’s stopped.” he made me so happy. i would constantly talk about him to anyone and i’ll be really ecstatic.

when i went to the back of my house as soon as i came home, i saw his body lying next to the wet kitchen table. i just stopped there. then i started asking God why. why did he take him? but then again … God probably saved him. he’ll be always be number one in my heart.

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant stars

I wish upon tonight to see you smile

If only for a while to know you’re there

A breath’s away not far from where you are.

R.I.P Max @ Puppy
April 1998 – 4th March 2007

I’ll always love you. You’ll always be the best and number one. I’ll miss you,you lazy dog

triple S – school sports sucks

mood: deranged

music: Mika – Grace Kelly

exactly what the title says

i had to attend sports day at the complex this morning just because the stupid discipline teacher asked the prefects to join the marching competition. and as usual, we prefects embarrass ourselves and make ourselves look like stupid fools instead of the “strict, disciplined, blah blah blah, crap crap crap, kiss my ass kiss my ass..”.

so yeah, we had to stand there in the hot sun, in the middle of the field, around 12, i repeat, under the almighty blazing rays of the sun for 2 whole hours. the teachers are idiots for asking us to stand there while they give out the trophies and all. couldn’t they do it BEFORE the marching? :\ what idiots.

and yes, i got sunburns and i’m positive that i’ve gotten darker. that was only 2 hours. imagine if we had stayed there longer .. uh, wouldn’t we look like Akon or something? and because of spending too much time under the sun, and marching like hell, i was so tired i didn’t attend tuitions! instead, i came home, soaked myself in cold water and lots of pampering and all before i collapsed onto the bed – with flu after.

yeah well that’s enough.

i’d like to state that i’m currently crushing on a guy

erm, nickname or no nickname?

yeah i think i should give ‘em a nickname. just in case he reads this. and i’ll be so embarrassed i’ll run to the corner, curl up and die. well yeah, this guy,*Dood* (sorry can’t think of anything better ) i’ve taken a liking to him last year, but that was just because i thought he was cute. he’s not the omg-i-think-i’m-gonna-die-he’s-so-bloody-gorgeous good-looking. for me i think he’s gorgeous cos i’ve already taken a liking to him i’m like that. if i like someone i think he’s the most good-looking so whatever

just recently, i had to attend a meeting *somewhere*, then when i was on my way up to the room, i was grumbling and screaming and whining on the way up the stairs about how tired i am, and whether the stairs would collapse anytime because of my weight – he was on his way down. so yeah, he saw me and gave a “hello-and-wtf” smile then i was like ‘hey, it’s him!’ then when he passed i almost slapped myself for forgetting him. and i almost screamed, too – thank God for my friends who restrained me from doing so.

so i found myself thinking of him all over again, so yeah i admitted AGAIN, that i have a crush on him. AGAIN.but this year, it’s something else – i wish to do something about it. i did. i just sent him a message and let’s see whether he replies or not and my good friend actually knows something about him, and that he’s single and that sorta stuff. and she keeps telling me things about him that made me like him even more :O i hate you R

my horoscope recently said that something like “you’ll be having butterflies in your stomach.it’s time for you to put that hots on that someone.” and so i did

and today’s horoscope: Scorpio; Let your intuition guide you when it comes to expressing yourself –

nice huh? i’m not really into horoscopes cos normally they never come true for me.. so maybe this time’s different. and a horoscope i read last year actually stated that i might possibly find a match@soulmate in March. and it’s March now, muahaha! wow, from almost-a-stranger to soulmate. WOW, that’s a long way.

this is a conversation chipped off from a chat session with my best friend. when she told me to talk to him.

Doctor Chocolate: i won’t know what to say

Doctor_Chocolate: i’ll probably just keep telling him how gorgeous he is

Doctor_Chocolate: how cute he looks when he smiles

Doctor_Chocolate: and how sexy he looks when he’s in a bad mood

Doctor_Chocolate: and how adorably stupid he looks when he laughs at his own jokes

BeNice: lol

Doctor_Chocolate: and how gorgeously tall he is

Doctor_Chocolate: and how smexy his eyes are

BeNice: lol

Doctor_Chocolate: how sexy he smiled at us when we went to *place* with loise

BeNice: he’ll probably be freaked out

Doctor_Chocolate: and how obsessed i am with him and i wish to marry him

Doctor_Chocolate: and be by his side 24/7

Doctor_Chocolate: INCLUDING bathroom hours

it’s lie, the one including the bathroom thing. i wont stalk him when he goes to pee.

P/S: AND DID I MENTION HE HAS DIMPLES?! OMG!

dimples should be BANNED. it should be ILLEGAL!

brain has it in for school today

mood: tired/sleepy

music: Savage Garden – To The Moon & Back

biology was disastrous today.

i mean, i was practically banging my head off the tables – i constantly fell asleep. dude, the teacher was — super boring. i had actually mastered the technique of falling asleep with ur eyes open ? yep, i did that. i just fixed my eyes at one position and my brain went completely blank. and apparently, i wasn’t the only one who feels so. the whole class had an i-wish-biology-would-end-NOW-dammit-NOW! aura.

oh yes, after school i did not feel like attending tuitions at all. i was late, and i did not even care one bit. i just felt so lazy. and when i was on my way to my tuition teacher’s door, it was like my brain had shut down my whole body, except for my legs, which were driving me forward.

and the tuition teacher was practically pissing me off when she told my best friend and me to work hard on our add maths, physics and chemistry. as if she hadn’t enough of telling us that crap, she told me that if i wanted to become a teacher, instead of a journalist, i shouldn’t teach english only. she said i should also teach – maybe addmaths, physics and chemistry. the three subjects i hate the most :/

now, seriously, why would i do that? she said i have a very outgoing personality and my students will like me. that still hasn’t changed my mind to teach other than english if i do decide to end up being a teacher. being a teacher is not all that bad, after all. my dad’s a teacher and i admire him so much, being brilliant in english and all. maybe i’ll be like him. OR, i could so something crazy – like … be a teacher and write a book at the same time! yeah, that’s a brilliant idea.

my brain’s being so lazy today. first day of school after a week of Chinese New Year holidays. naturally, i was reluctant to sleep early. but i just slammed myself into the bed. to no avail. i hardly slept until it was 2am. so i woke up with even more tired eyes. but i’m happy that there aren’t going to be any add maths lessons in school this week. SPORTS. for the first time in my life i’m happy that we are having sports. hallelujah.

Brain, you’re safe now.

u know what, i suddenly came to the conclusion, that even si won has a girlfriend, so what???? that doesn’t stop me from obsessing over him !!!even if she’s like 100% prettier or nicer, who gives a damn??

i still like em!

and there’s no way in hell i’d be able to forget about him cos like, this is the longest crush i’ve ever had . so yeah, i still like em  – no matter what >:D

even if he doesnt know
even if he doesnt know i exist

I know he exists!

Uh huh. Uh huh.

I’m so proud of myself.

mad musings about celebrity crushes

mood: bloated

music: Robbie Williams – Lovelight

ahh … `tis another beautiful day for mad musings by me. well now it’s about celebrity crushes.

yep, u know who i’m talking about.it’s none other than the ‘choi si won’. so far this is the longest crush i’ve had on a celebrity i just don’t know why he grabs my attention more than the other members of the group, even tho people say there are a few that are more attractive than him. maybe it’s his dimples… maybe it’s his smile.. maybe it’s something else i don’t know.

this is sooo stupid. i’m 16. i should grow up.and i should really forget about this nonsense.

yeah, i tried. but i couldn’t. especially when i found out that he had an ex-gf@is having a girlfriend named Stella Kim, who’s really pretty, and she’s 17 (i saw her on myspace) dude, she so freakkkiing pretty!!! she’s from SM entertainment too, same as Si Won. and they say the reason she joined Sm entertainment is because of Si Won – she wanted to become an actress because of him. now, isn’t that sweet.

not to be bitchy or rude or anything .. but when they say it’s just a rumour or a scandal, or she asked him out, and he was too shy and conservative and kind to refuse so that’s why he went out with her but now it’s over, I ACTUALLY FEEL HAPPY.

i’m really sorry. i hate myself :/ i shouldn’t judge them. maybe they are happy together.. maybe they do like each other and stuff. and honestly, i do wish them the best.

this is pointless – i’m constantly obsessing over him and he hasn’t the slightest idea i exist lol. funny. imagine this … him thinking about stuff, and suddenly “kath” pops out in his head. i highly doubt that.

i’m thinking of ways to actually tell him about this depressing obsession but then that’s utterly impossible. he’s there, and i’m here. he’s famous and i’ma dork

if i do get to meet him, that’ll be err, approximately ” never times infinity ” = you know what the answer is. and i’d probably make a fool outta myself.

sigh. this is depressing. BRUTALLY depressing. i should pray he actually reads this post and find out how i deeply feel for him and venture 5000kms away to malaysia just to find me.hallelujah.